We are all familiar with the term FAKE NEWS. What about FAKE LIFE and FAKE LOVE? This is an example of when I believe fake life may have begun.
Example 1 - I really believe that we have been living in a false reality for some time now. I immediately think of participation trophies. I don’t really care if everyone gets a participation trophy as long as those who won first, second and third places get rewarded for their dedication, hard work and discipline. Competition breeds excellence. When they graduate from high school and clean out their rooms, do you think they would grab those precious trophies? Do you think they would pack them up with pride? I don’t!
Would they carefully pack up the first place trophy for which they worked so hard? There is no doubt in my mind that many, if not all, children have trashed their participation trophies as they scoffed! They knew they got the trophy because they just “showed up”!
(Note: if you are a parent who pushes your children to participate in something your child is not really interested in, because that is your dream for them, please reconsider. Now, if they really, really tried hard and enjoyed every minute of playing no matter how well they did then they may carefully wrap those trophies, take them with them wherever they go, display them with pride and that is just great!)
How about social media? I think it is a good idea to reflect on where we are as parents, on Facebook. Are we real in our need for help? Are we real in our desire to help? If not, you may want to ask yourself some questions, such as:
Example 2 - Here is another example along the same line. Basically being told we are something that we are not.
This may seem like a weird example but I think it fits. I have been blessed with my dad’s thin body type and I wore a size 10 in my youth. I got up to a size 12 in my high school years and was considered thin. I have fluctuated throughout the years and am again size 10 (I don’t know the actual size because I have heard that what used to be size 12 forever is now a size 10 – the reason for the change is to help American women feel better about themselves – point proven? So, I guess I could add, Fake Ego to the list of Fakes.
I only bring this up because I recently went into my favorite clothing store and was thoroughly disgusted when I fit into a size 3! What? So, I might have been a size 3 in second grade!!!
Do these people really believe that I am going to think I have magically transformed into a size 3 just because I walked through their doors? Or do they think I am going to walk around telling everyone I am a size 3 and then try to prove it as I show my size 3 tag? It is quite obvious I am not a size 3! Give me a break. It’s time to get real!
I am not walking around boasting about my size 3 pants! I know it’s a joke! Do you believe our society has benefited from these falsehoods? I don’t! That’s just plain ridiculous and pretty needy!
Example 3 - Some social media does not even require real names and if that is the case, too often due to fake names, accountability doesn’t seem to matter and the “anything goes” mentality can occur.
Even with real names, the fact that we are not face to face with someone may cause us to feel a little bolder and say something that we would not likely say in person or at least be more tactful. Looking into the eyes of a real, live person can bring accountability to our conversations.
Sometimes while reading Facebook comments, I want to gag. Other times I want to cry and many times I just get mad!
I feel like gagging when I see apparent needy people playing their mini violins to get attention from supposed “friends” throwing out the appropriate emoticons etc. I really can’t stand those things! “If you like me…” Blah, blah, blah! That’s when I want to puke! I never respond!
I want to cry when I see others who truly are reaching out; hoping to get help and they want to feel like someone cares. I wonder how many people actually take the time to truly reach out and contact them, offering real help rather than just a thumb up, or a smiley face. That might be a good time to send a personal message, one that is out of public view and offer “real” help…not just the appearance of help for the world to see!
Here is how Allan Schore of the UCLA School of Medicine says it: “We are born to form attachments…our brains are basically wired to develop in tandem with another’s, through emotional communication, beginning before words are spoken. 1
Adolescent brains can also be negatively molded by unstructured experiences or bad input such as neglect, poor guidance, poor structure, or lack of discipline. For these unfortunate youth, this means that the guidance they received and experienced have come from the media, pop culture, or peers who are as neglected, immature, and poorly guided as they are. 2
“If a man and woman are emotionally bonded when pregnancy is achieved and then children are born, the children have a greater chance of being raised by their two biological parents – both of whom are attached to them – increasing their chance of survival, good health, and a productive future.” 3
Parents, I know that parenting is hard and it seems to be getting harder due to the state our country and world are in! I try to bring you information that may not be “out there” that just anyone would know! I try to teach you things that are dangerous for your family, so that you can be aware before explosions occur and ideally to be able to prevent them!
Explosions do happen because it is life! I hope to help you put the pieces back together, but I would rather teach as we go so that you can help to avoid “explosions” in your family’s life. I reference “explosions” because of the title of my book, Rebuilding After the Explosions: Helping Parents Put the Pieces Back Together.
I cover many vitally important things in the book that every parent needs to know. HOWEVER, if you KNOW that your child is deeply immersed in sexual activity NOW, please consider buying “Hooked: New Sciences on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children”. A must read if you even suspect your child/children are sexually active.
If you already have my book, Chapter 21 – Hooking Up – the New Trend, can really help you, however, I still recommend getting Hooked for you to read and then pass on to your sexually active children.
Once again, I have brought a very serious “explosion” front and center to your attention. And you can say it with me, “This is why parents must be strong, NOT wimpy parents!” And once again, I say to you that I have confidence in YOU because if you did not love your children, you would not be looking for parenting help. I am continually adding new articles to shapingthechild.com Please come often and check out the articles and PLEASE contact me if you would like information of other parenting concerns. Email me any time at email@example.com
And…the great news is…this is REAL LOVE and it’s YOU!!!
“…the human spirit is strong and no one should feel he or she cannot change or find a way out of the cycle. There are ways. It may be a spiritual rebirth. It may be a firm decision and strong will. It may be counseling. It may be committing to a group that agrees to help each other be accountable in their battle with sexual addiction or other behaviors.” 9
Religious beliefs and church attendance also matters!
I have encouraged you many times to look up the article of Patrick F. Fagan, PhD, called: Why Religion Matters Even More: The impact of Religious Practice on Social Stability
Just three of many benefits of church attendance: lower cohabitation rates, lower rates of out-of-wedlock-births, and lower rates of teen sexual activity.
Here is the link to the above excellent article:
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Thanks so much for your support!
“It has been found that in situations with poor or unhealthy parent-teenage relations, teenage boys with high testosterone levels were more likely to engage is risky behavior of all kinds, including sex.”
“Teenage girls with poor parental relationships were more likely to engage in similar risky behavior. Yet in each case, research has found that home environment had greater influence on behavior than hormone levels and if parent-child relations were good, hormone levels do not seem to matter at all regarding risky sexual behavior.” 8
Parents are definitely the first line of defense to help children remain abstinent. A study shows the benefit when society also supports and helps provide guidance toward healthy choices.
In 1981, a rural town of Denmark, South Carolina, introduced a program to reduce teen sexual activity and teen pregnancy. They enlisted the help of the influential groups of the town to advise and guide their young people. “The program involved the schools, churches, business organizations, physicians, newspapers, and parents giving the same message. The results were phenomenal. Local pregnancy rates declines by more than 50 percent from 1981 to 1985. In contrast, the pregnancy rates for the surrounding communities rose by almost 20 percent over the same time period. By 1988, just three years after the program was discontinued, the pregnancy rate had bounced back up and even exceeded pre-program levels.” 10
It is great that the community was so successful in encouraging the youth and how sad it is that things returned to “normal”!
If any of the families continued in their own homes, I would guess there would also be success. I would be curious to know if that is the case.
Parents can be the MOST influential people in their children lives!
1. Allan N. Schore, Affect Dysregulation ad Disorders of the Self: The Neurobiology of Emotional Development (New York: W.W. Norton and Co., 2003)
2. Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children. (Illinois: Northfield Publishing, 2008) p. 54.
3. Ibid. p. 42.
4. Ibid. p.116
5. Ibid. p. 116
6. Ibid p. 116
7. Ibid. p. 58
8. Ibid. p. 19
9. Ibid. p. 107
10. Ibid. p. 118