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Questions…
1. What if a tornado siren goes off? Do you crawl under your kitchen table? 2. What if the fire alarm beeps or goes off? Go to the internet to look up the phone number for the fire department? 3. What do you do if you have a flat tire on your vehicle? Stand on the side of the road and wait for someone to pick you up so you can go rent another vehicle? |
Answers…
1. Go where you have practiced going beforehand, with items you might need. 2. If it beeps, change the battery. If you smell smoke, grab the bag prepared for emergencies, a phone and get out of the house and call the fire department. 3. Pull the car in a safe place to either change the tire or call someone which would require a phone, number etc. to get help, or change it yourself if able. |
Most of us understand the need to be prepared for emergencies. Let’s talk about being a fearful parent versus a prepared parent. Just yesterday I had an interesting conversation with my husband that caused me to realize how passionate I am about what I have learned concerning families and how it has changed me and I believe for the better!
The other day my husband was a little frustrated with me and said, “It seems like you are afraid of everything anymore! Why?” My reply was, “What? I’m not afraid!” Then I reminded him of how I just spent two years of my life researching and writing a book about avoiding explosions!” He said, “Your book made you this way?” I hadn’t thought about it that way, but, yes, I guess it has! However, I think it is a good thing, not bad (except obviously I need to work on not appearing to be fearful). Let’s relate this example to parenting and see what you think.
The other day my husband was a little frustrated with me and said, “It seems like you are afraid of everything anymore! Why?” My reply was, “What? I’m not afraid!” Then I reminded him of how I just spent two years of my life researching and writing a book about avoiding explosions!” He said, “Your book made you this way?” I hadn’t thought about it that way, but, yes, I guess it has! However, I think it is a good thing, not bad (except obviously I need to work on not appearing to be fearful). Let’s relate this example to parenting and see what you think.
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Am I fearful?
Think of this title, “Rebuilding After the Explosions: Helping Parents Put the Pieces Back Together”. My job as a counselor was to help parents put the pieces of their lives back together. This occurred after events happened that have turned their lives upside down as an explosion might. Counselors typically see people after explosions have already happened. This is where my passion lies. After spending a couple of years researching, reading and writing about the consequences of so many problems in our lives, do you see the value of avoiding the problems (explosions) rather than cleaning up the aftermath of an explosion? Isn’t it true that when something really bad happens, you wish you could just turn back the clock and redo some things? Sometimes it takes a little fear in order to make a different choice so you can have a better outcome. This is how I have changed. Simply put, I would rather do a few extra things to make sure there is not a problem than to clean up the mess (and often pain) of an explosion in my life. Remember the January article? It was called, “Let’s Look at Life Backwards and See if it Helps Going Forward!” I will review…”The other day I thought to myself, ‘No one would do this (behavior) if they truly understood the tragic consequences that could come from it.’ Admittedly, some unexpected negative consequences occur simply because it’s life. As parents we want our children to make good choices in their lives.” |
Am I prepared?
As I wrote the book, I did a lot of research concerning the problems that parents have to deal with when raising children. As I learned more and more about the consequences of so many “explosions” it was not hard to “look backwards” to see what choices needed to be different in order to have the desired outcome. In the book I encourage parents to teach their children the consequences of their choices and behavior in order to help THEM make better choices. The key is to instill in them the strong character traits that will enable them to make good choices, especially when you are not around. When you teach them about hard work, to do their best, to be patient, courteous, giving, kind and loving, they will make better decisions when you are not around. Of course, this will happen easier and have a lasting effect if you set the example. Are you prepared to help them be strong? Here are some things I believe will help them. 1. Allow them to feel the pain or inconvenience of their poor choice. Don’t run in and fix it for them or they will not learn from the bad consequences. 2. Don’t tell them how to fix their problems. Ask them what options they have and encourage them to observe and learn about the consequences before they make a choice. 3. When they make a good choice, help them recognize how good they feel about themselves. |
Below are just two problems that I believe can wreak havoc in family’s lives! Can you think of some that affect your family and then ponder on how to help prepare them to handle or fix them?
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Scary things going on in the world include…
1. A disconnect from personal relationships Why do I consider this to be one of the biggest and scariest issues? Loneliness Did you know that loneliness is very common contributor for suicide? (upcoming article) What are your children connecting to if it is not you? Strong parents are needed and wanted! It takes life’s burdens off of them! 2. Drug and alcohol abuse Did you know that having dinner with your family can decrease the risk of drug and alcohol abuse? Did you know that dinner 5-7 times a week with family increases teen’s disapproval of alcohol and substance abuse? Did you know that family dinners decrease levels of stress for teens? Did you know that family dinner increase the attendance of religious services? |
What you can do to prepare your family…
1. Connect with your family! To truly feel loved and fulfilled human connectedness is required. A Facebook “Like” doesn’t cut it. Children want more than anything to have a close relationship with you, whether they act like it or not. Limit social media time to a minimal and truly connect with your family. Don’t let their words or actions convince you that they don’t want a close relationship with you. More than anything, children want that closeness with their parents as you do with your children! 2. Eat dinner together at least five nights a week and have positive, upbeat, relaxing and engaging conversations. Make it a pleasant enjoyable time that they don’t want to miss! No gripe sessions! Good and bad news here - Although the use of illicit drugs is lower than in the past, did you know that more youth today do not see harm in taking drugs? It is too easy not to do! Oh and please make the family rule of “no phones or other electronics” allowed at the table! This includes parents too! Engage with each other! |
Can you look at ways to prepare your family to learn, grow and change from problems?
